Days in Paradise Screw that! Days in Akatsuki HQ!
by Nightingale-san
Summary: Ever wondered what Akatsuki REALLY do in their HQ? Those typical days?...Deidara the Terrorist...Hidan is God...Zetsu eats ipods...Itachi is blind...Kakuzu is an elitist...Total Akatsuki randomness and OOCness! Rated T for curses, Romance and some Yaoi!
1. Chapter One: The Beginning

_Alo alo alo all!! And welcome to the most random fanfic I have ever written! This fanfic is about Akatsuki solely! Nothing else unless I decide otherwise later!_

_This story is simply (or rather totally) randomness and anything can happen. Rated T for cursing (Hidan of course…>.>) some yaoi and romance! If you have any random ideas please forward them to me through a message in my account or leave them in a review! Any idea is welcome as long as it's below the M rating! Thank you all!_

_**Akatsuki Randomness and total OOCness! >:3**_

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**Akatsuki Randomness**

**Chapter One**

**Itachi's totally Awesome Easter Plan of Awesomeness!**

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"Itachi-san…are you sure this is a good idea…? Leader-sama may not appreciate it…."

"Silence Kisame. I know what I'm doing. He'll love it. Just put loads of sugar, loads of milk chocolate in it and then some blood even….yeah…that'll definitely make him come running…."

"Blood? Come running? Itachi-"

"SHUT UP KISAME!"

"This is necessary….it's key in my totally awesome Easter plan of awesomeness…." Itachi smirked as he thought about it.

"Well someone is cocky….great name for the plan by the way….Totally Awesome Easter Plain of Awesomeness….yeah…awe-"

"SHUT IT KISAME!!"

Itachi's expression was a mixture of anger and concentration as he carefully poured the sugar in the bowl and then the hot milk-chocolate on top of it. After mixing these two substances he pulled out a kunai and slit his wrist to draw out blood. It dripped slowly into the bowl but he only needed a little bit to bring a _certain somebody_ running…

Kisame's eyes widened as he watched his partner, "Itachi! I didn't know you were emo! You should have told me! What's wrong? Are you depressed? Why-?"

"..." Itachi put down the bag of sugar making a loud bang on the table. Slowly, he turned around to face Kisame.

"……Itachi what're you-"

"Katon no jutsu!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

BANG!

"KISAME WHEN I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP YOU SHUT UP! God! I'm not emo! Stop acting like Tobi…."

"Right" Kisame's voice murmured from the floor, "….gomen…." His voice was weak as he lay strewn across the ground next to the fridge. Itachi's fire jutsu had hurt. His blue hair looked slightly burnt and he was certain he noticed smoke rising off the top of his head.

The Uchiha prodigy was left in peace for a few moments after he had knocked out Kisame. He stood there patiently waiting for enough blood to drop into the bowl. He could smell its scent in the air but he wasn't sure if it was strong enough. If everything went according to plan, Pain-sama would be _out of it_ for the day and no one would have to work. I mean, c'mon, it was EASTER. You shouldn't work on Easter! The Jinchuuriki could wait for now. He couldn't imagine Naruto-kun doing anything but sitting at Ichiraku'seafuhsaufyauodfyauo Ramen shop for the whole day…

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**_-Konoha-_**

The town was abnormally busy today; it being a Holy Day and all but Naruto's voice could be heard even through the bustling crowds.

"OH YEAH!! MORE RAMEN OLD MAN!!"

The old man chuckled at Naruto's excitement, "Naruto-kun, your eating habits will never change you know that?"

The young teen with sun kissed locks and sapphire blues eyes beamed, his grin going from one side of his face all the way to the other. "You better believe it old man! Ramen is the best!" he held his chopsticks high and once again began to wolf down yet another bowl of pork flavoured ramen. However, a sudden thought came to Naruto as he ate. What brought on the thought he couldn't put his finger on it.

Sakura, who was sitting beside him, could only smile at her team mate's attitude. Today, they had the day off from missions and she was intent on relaxing for the day. But being with Naruto isn't exactly relaxing, since his voice tends to be higher than everyone else in the whole Village and he moves around a lot more too. However her train of thoughts were interrupted by Naruto's sudden question:

"Umm, Sakura-chan?" the blonde began in a thoughtful voice.

Sakura tilted her head, "hai?"

"Did you ever get the impression that….maybe….Sasuke-kun is….emo?"

"BAKA!"

WHAM!

Naruto was sent hurdling off his seat and ten metres away into a wall. Locals around them scattered and they watched in trembling fear as the pink haired kunoichi hollered at the Kyuubi-kid from her seat at the Ramen shop.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK SASUKE-KUN IS EMO?? HE'S OUR TEAM MATE NARUTO-BAKA!!"

Naruto sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know! I just got this _feeling _you know?! That maybe….maybe…Itachi, his brother, was emo too….?"

"YOU IDIOT NARUTO!!"

"NANDE?? SAKURA-CHAN!! NO! PLEASE!! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!! AHHHHHHHH!!"

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Itachi sneezed. "Hmm….someone somewhere must be talking about me…."

"GOD!!"

"Nande?! Hidan?!"

The kitchen door was blown off his hinges and sent hurdling passed Itachi's face. Of course, the Uchiha was blind and he looked to the side towards the wall. "What….who's there?"

Hidan, clad in a white Akatsuki outfit **(A/N: its Easter….Hidan is a holy person…even if he's not Christian…he has to be clad in white xD)**, a grin plastered on his face. "I thought I heard someone say God in here? Itachi-san, was that you? What-hey…." Hidan briefly sniffed the air, "I smell cooked fish….Itachi are you making dinner? I LOVE fish!"

Suddenly, the door banged behind Itachi **(A/N: yes there's a back door in the kitchen)** and the ebony haired Uchiha turned around curious. Then he turned back around and looked to where Kisame had been lying. Though he had weak eye-sight somehow he could tell what had happened. "Hmm….I think Kisame made a dash for it…."

Hidan's grin faltered, "you were going to EAT Kisame Itachi?! It's enough that Zetsu does it! Hey….why is there a cut on your wrist and a bloody kunai in your hand….? Itachi…are you EMO?!"

"…..Grrr…."

"Katon no jutsu!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Tobi is a good boy…..there's sure to be Easter eggs hidden around here somewhere….Deidara-sempai will be so happy when I bring back loads!"

Yes, that's correct; Tobi was outside HQ rambling around the forest looking for Easter eggs. How cuter could you get? Currently, said Akatsuki member was looking in all sorts of places. Jumping from tree to tree, shuffling through bush to bush, crawling from rock to rock on the ground. So far, he had found none. Tobi was beginning to lose faith.

"Hmm, Deidara–Sempai said the Easter Bunny leaves them all over the place….but I don't see any...damn….that bunny is really good at hiding them!"

Not a second passed and Tobi was prowling around again, picking up rocks and looking in logs. He was determined to find any type of egg….well….not a birds egg anyways….and certainly not a snakes….he had learned from Orochimaru that snakes were dangerous…._very _dangerous indeed….

Alas, his searching was to no avail. After another hour Tobi had still found no Easter eggs. "Ohhhh….Tobi can't find any! Deidara-sempai also did say they'd be very hard to find….but I didn't imagine _this _hard! Tobi is beginning to think Deidara-sempai lied to him!"

This thought floated around in Tobi's head for five minutes until he decided he was going to head back to HQ and question Deidara further on the whereabouts of the Easter Eggs. However, on his way back, Tobi stopped suddenly when a nearby bush suddenly moved. He looked to the side peeking out of the small eyehole in his orange coloured mask. The bush rustled again until Tobi's ears caught onto a small sound that sounded faintly like some sort of an animal. Tobi moved closer to inspect the bush but before he got close enough the animal jumped out.

Tobi rebounded and jumped away, "ahhh-! Huh?"

The animal landed on the trail only to reveal itself as a small, white bunny-rabbit. It looked up at the Akatsuki member with big, round amber eyes.

Tobi was silent for a moment, pondering…..pondering….then….

"Oh my God…." Tobi's eyes widened immensely behind his mask, "…..IT'S THE EASTER BUNNY!!"

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Pain and Konan walked silently through a dark hallway speaking of nothing in particular, they were currently on their way to a meeting with the other Akatsuki members, little did they know those members weren't exactly going to be there. It was all part of the Blind Uchiha Itachi's miraculous and smart plan. Today, there would be no work, it was Easter, Easter equals relaxation. Both members eventually came to a door and Pain grabbed the knob, pushing it he went through only to get a surprise attack. Everyone succumbed to this amazing jutsu; none could avoid it because of its total awesomeness.

The bucket fell.

PLOP!

"…..Pain-sama?" Konan sounded from behind her Master, her blue eyes widened at the sight before her. Inwardly she was laughing however….Pain could sense it. He also heard the faint sound of laughter coming from the kitchen.

The Leader stood there for minutes in complete and utter fury, milk chocolate plastered all over his form and a blue bucket crowned upon his orange, spikey hair. His fists curled into balls and he stood erect with the intent to kill. "What….the hell…." He spoke silently, closed his eyes and a vain popped out of his head…then…

"IS THIS?? WHY AM I COVERED IN CRAP??" he sniffed the substance slightly and recoiled, "AND WHY DO I GET THE FAINT SCENT OF BLOOD?? ITACHI!! WERE YOU SLITTING YOUR WRISTS??"

Pain picked up the faint sound of the angered Uchiha's voice, "FOR THE LAST TIME, I. AM. NOT. EMO. GOD DAMN YOU ALL!!"

Then Hidan's voice, "I AM GOD!! AHAHAHA!! PRAISE PHIL COLLINS!!"

Pain caught the sound of Kisame's confused voice.

"Dude….Phil Collins…?"

Konan stifled a laugh in her throat and spoke in her usual emotionless tone, "I'll go get you a towel of some kind Leader-sama." She disappeared the way they came and Pain's mouth became a solid frown when he heard her burst into laughter down the hallway.

Pain growled and proceeded to attempt to wipe the gunk off of his form, the blood's scent wasn't very appealing. However, he suddenly sensed a presence behind him. Looking around Pain saw nothing but only thin air. "Hmm….I thought…." He shook it off and went back to trying to wipe the chocolate off, however it wasn't going so well.

Suddenly, for no absolute reason Pain heard the faint sound of JAWS music coming from the kitchen…..JAWS music? Then, he felt that presence again….and of course, once again, he looked around to see…..

Nothing…

What was going on…?

However…his question was soon answered.

Behind him, a large figure surfaced from the ground and loomed over him. Its eyes glowing white against its shadowy figure….white eyes of death…

The JAWS music grew louder and louder until it was near the end where the shark devoured its prey. Pain suddenly got the shivers up his spine. His eyes widened and he slowly looked around. But it was too late.

"…ZETSU??"

"HEHEHEH……I SMELL BLOOD…."

"WHAT ARE YOU-?! WAIT-! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Elsewhere, inside the kitchen sitting at the table to be exact, Hidan and Kisame were grinning from ear to ear, sniggering. "Nice work Itachi," Kisame complimented his partner who sat staring into space, "I think Zetsu will keep Pain-Same busy for the day while we relax….."

Itachi sat there motionless for about one minute staring at nothing through his black spectacles. Suddenly he raised his eyebrows and looked at Kisame, "what? Did it work? I thought that scream was from Deidara trying to blow up Tobi again…."

Both Hidan and Kisame sighed and sweat dropped.

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"You're cheating Kakazu…."

"What?! No I'm not!"

"…..then why is there an Ace up your sleeve….?

"HA!! FULL HOUSE!! I WIN!!" Kakazu slapped his hand down on the table, grabbed the money and other various shinobi necessities (these included kunai, collectable trading cards etc…) and galloped off leaving the red-head puppet Master Sasori sitting at the table gazing after him. He furrowed his brow and abruptly stood up from the table; the chair flying backwards. "KAKAZU YOU BASTARD!! COME BACK HERE WITH MY MONEY!!" Sasori took a quick glance at the cards Kakazu had just laid down and his eyes widened in fury. That wasn't a full house! That was a merely pathetic, average hand!

"KAKUZU YOU ASSHOLE!!"

"Sasori no Danna….what are you doing, un?"

Deidara had appeared and it seemed as if he has just gotten up because the blonde looked like he could fall over any second now. The truth was, the blonde has spent the night very busy….I shall not go into details….

Sasori stopped yelling and looking emotionless. Arching an eyebrow he blurted out in Deidara's face: "KAKUZU STOLE MY MONEY DAMN IT!!"

Deidara's blonde side-fringe blew slightly in Sasori's angry wind from his mouth. The Explosive Expert blinked and then woke up slightly, "he always does that un….how much did he steal, un?"

Sasori twitched, "five hundred damn dollars….."

Deidara blinked, "huh…why American money eh? I thought this was a Japanese show, un?"

"This is a show? An Anime?"

"Yeah…un…"

"Damn….I never knew…."

"Yeah well now you know, un…."

Sasori's brows furrowed and he looked to his fellow Akatsuki member again, "hmm….and did I…?"

"Yeah….you died…..un."

"Damn….but I guess thanks to this kid's Plot no jutsu I'm back alive?" (**A/N: Sasori is referring to me bringing him back to life for this story. xD)**

Deidara sighed, "yeah pretty much, un. Hey….has Tobi come back from his Easter Egg hunt yet, un?"

Sasori shook his head and started gathering up the cards, "no, haven't seen him."

Deidara chuckled in delight, "haha, guess my telling him the Easter Bunny really exists actually worked. Now he's out there in the forest on his Easter Egg hunt, un."

Sasori's eyes widened, "wait…."

Deidara blinked. "Huh…?"

Sasori jumped up and the cards flew from his hands scattering everywhere, he grabbed Deidara by the shoulders and started shaking him wildly about, "ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE EASTER BUNNY??"

Inside Deidara's head thoughts collided together and he started seeing stars from the dizziness, "ugh…..yeah….un…."

Unexpectedly, the puppet master stopped shaking Deidara and looked away, he left go of his blue eyed partner who, in turn of course, buckled to the floor still dizzy, "Un….."

Sasori grasped at his red hair pulling it in every direction, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Eventually, after much yelling on Sasori's behalf and Deidara's moaning the explosive expert picked himself up from the floor and watched as Sasori jumped about the place denying the fact his child-hood dreams had been crushed. "Get over it, un," Deidara muttered but the scene was shattered as Tobi's voice rang through-out HQ.

"DEIDARA-SEMPAI!! I FOUND THE EASTER BUNNY!!"

Deidara twitched.

Sasori turned around blinking, a blank expression on his face.

Tobi stood at the entrance holding a small white animal high above his head in triumph. A rabbit….A plain, white rabbit….

Deidara narrowed his blue eyes and twitched again before roaring at Tobi, "TOBI YOU STUPID IDIOT, UN!!" He rushed towards Tobi intent on killing him once and for all. "TOBI I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

"No! Sempai! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!! AHHHHHHHH!!"

Back in the living room Hidan lay stretched across the couch with the T.V remote in hand, Kisame sat beside him. They were watching a cooking show….how to cook splendid Salmon….Kisame wasn't exactly happy about this but Hidan was enthralled in the program….another thing Kisame wasn't happy about….

Itachi sat in a separate chair staring away from the T.V. Suddenly, he heard a faint sound. "Hey, did you guys just hear Tobi's scream of certain death and then one for help?"

Hidan and Kisame looked at him, shrugged and then looked back at the T.V screen.

"Nah…"

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_I only proof-read this once…. please excuse if anything is out of order, thank you. DX_

___**Special thanks go to Deidara and his fellow Akatsuki members for giving me ideas for the next chapters to come! They rock and are totally awesome! x3 **_

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_**I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST AKATSUKI!! I ACTUALLY LOVE THEM!!**__ Deidara and Tobi I love! Itachi totally ROCKS! Kisame ROCKS as well! And I love Sasuke as well! I've just seen Sasuke and the word emo in so many places on the internet. I myself don't see him, or his brother, to be emo what so ever. xD I think I had every Akatsuki member in there right….? xD anyways, loved it, hated it? Please review! Cookies for all! (Yes…chocolate chip. xD)_


	2. Chapter Two: Poor Tobi

**Chapter Two: Poor Tobi**

_In which Chaos descends in Christmas Dinner._**  
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And there, in all it's glory, was a red present outfitted with a golden bow... in two gloved hands. A white tag hung limly from the bow the name 'Deidara' written in black, block letters.

"Merry Christmas Senpai!"

"..."

"Senpai...?"

"..."

"SENPAIIIII?!"

"Un....shut up Tobi, un..."

Too much food. Too much drink. Deidara lay where he fell, crippled in the doorway between the living room and kitchen his nose pressed against the wooden floor. His stomach gave a loud groan and the blonde's face contorted in pain. Why, oh _why _did he eat the ham?!

"Ughhhhh....."

Tobi ifted his foot and poked his Senpai in the side earning another, but quieter, groan. He flinched scuttering away a little from his fallen partner the red box in his hand slipping slightly but he caught it again. Konan had done a fine job at making dinner, it was delicious and by far the best he had eaten since he joined the evil organisation. Of course, Kisame wasn't exactly impressed by the fish sticks... Konan didn't like that, those were he specialty. Zetsu seemed more interested in Hidan's head which caused the Holy dinner to turn bad and the members of Akatsuki were left to eat in utter chaos as Hidan tried despertly to sacrifice Zetsu. They knocked the millk into Kakuzu's lap and so Kakuzu took liberty and using the organisation's cutlery against the other two. Akatsuki War I. Though Tobi was sure Kakuzu would see to reason soon or later that money was needed to replace cutlery... and if there was a war more money would be needed. The Scrooge had enough pride to bring an end to the chaos. Alas, it didn't end but It didn't matter. They were used to it. It was like the time Deidara had poked Itachi one time too many... The steak, rather then medium-rare, was well-done.

"Tobi, un... help me up."

He blinked behind his mask and remembered Deidara on the ground. He scratched his head and put the present down before walking to the blonde's side. Kneeling down he took up Deidara's right arm and hauled him upright. "Are you sick or something Senpai?"

Deidara wavered and slumped against the door. He looked up and gave him a 'what the hell do you think, un?' glare. "Too much Christmas dinner, un..."

"Oh..."

"COME BACK HERE YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKING PLANT!"

Deidara's eyes widened and he dragged himself to the living room and fell upon the couch hoping it might give him some form of shelter. Tobi followed quickly dodging out of the way as an angry Jashinist barged his way through. A quick shadow flew across the floor and underneath another door trying to quickly escape the man's wrath. Zetsu.

Behind the couch Tobi peaked his head up and watched the angry Hidan as he sliced the poor wooden door in half parading through it leaving only destruction behind. Blinking, Tobi lifted his hand pointing at the splinters on the floor. "Senpai, do you think we should clean those up? Someone could get one stuck in their foot..."

Deidara looked up at him trying hard not to throw up. He followed his hand and looked at the many splinters on the ground. Slowly he turned his head to look back at Tobi. His eyes widened and he hiccuped turning his head back into the pillow. "Hic-! Noooo... we all wear shoes..."

"Doesn't matter! What if-"

"Ow..."

Deidara looked up at the doorway only to see a certain blind Uchiha standing in the doorway....barefeeted. Deidara made a disgusted look his stomach groaning again, louder this time. He burried his face in the pillow again moaning. "Itachi, un... where the hell are your shoes?"

"I told you we should have cleaned up the slinters Senpai! Itachi is blind you know!"

"Shut_ up _Tobi!" Did it really look like he cared? Baaka.

"I was trying to find my shoes... and still haven't found them yet... It seems I've missed Christmas dinner because of it..."

Deidara lifted his head his face pale. "You don't know how lucky you are..."

"SENPAAAAIIII! Open your present! It's from me!"

"Shut _UP _Tobi!" _Grooooooooan. _"Ughhhh...." For some reason, it finally occured to Tobi that he didn't _care._

Tobi sniffled.

"...."

Sniffle.

"Tobi... don't tell me you're crying, hrm."

Sniffle.

Deidara lifted his head to look up at him. "Tobi, what the-"

"SENPAI DOESN'T CARE 'BOUT ME OR HIS PRESENT!" Tobi hopped over the couch and darted out through the door nearly knocking Itachi over as he went. His crying faded and there was a 'bang' as the closet door closed roughly upstairs. Deidara was left staring after him slightly confused and blinking.

"Ow..."

"What the hell is up with Tobi, hmm?"

"Ow..."

"Something about me not caring... about him? How the hell does he come up with these things, un?!"

"Ow..."

"Itachi go find your shoes for God's sake!"

"IT'S JASHIN YOU BLONDE PAGAN!"

"UGH. MY STOMACH."

BANG! "Owwww...." The lights went out. Darkness.

"...."

"SASORI-DANNA?!"

"Hello Deidara..."

"What the fuck?! I thought that red-headed bastard was dead..." Apparently the persuit of Zetsu hadn't gone well and now Hidan was back in the room.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD, UN!"

"Well thanks to the Author's Noobish jutsu I'm back alive-Wait! I told you that in the last chapter!"

Deidara blinked. "You... did...?"

"Yes... I was int he last chapter..."

"You... were...?"

"..."

There was silence as everything sinked in and for a few moments both Deidara and Sasori sat staring at eachother.

"Oh! My shoes!"

"Here Itachi you dropped your glasses." (Hidan is very polite no? xD)

"...."

"..."

"What?! Who's there?!" Itachi whirled around and lifted one hand into a hand-sign. "KATON NO JUTSU!"

Deidara screamed. "NO ITACHI! THE CHRISTMAS TREE!"

Bright orange flames spewed forth from Itachi's lips and the poor tree was devoured in famous Uchiha fire and all that was left was a burnt stick which, in the end, fell and crumpled into ash on the floor. Darkness. Sasori, alive. Itachi, still a blind idiot and proud he had eliminated the 'intruder.' Hidan, a Jashinist obsessed with cursing was now charcoaled and laying on the floor petrified. Pein, standing in the doorway his eyes murderous.

Wait...

The lights flicked on as God floated into the room. "Gather you assholes I'm calling another meeting-! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?!"

Deidara sweatdropped and ignored him placing his head in his hands. "Oh no... not church again..."

Pein's eyes turned deathly this time as he glared at Deidara, "Deidara! You of all people should understand the true meaning of this Organisation! We are Akatsuki! The people who will make a change to this world and bring peace to the ninja countries of the world by-"

"By killing countless people because that is the true will of God, you." The blonde smirked his cheek in his palm as he grinned up at the Leader.

"...."

Itachi fixated his glasses. "Pein-sama is going all judgemental about him being God again..."

Hidan blinked and jumped to his feet the blackness falling from his form to a neat circle on the floor. He lifted his scyth. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I FUCKING HAVE TO TELL YOU DUMBFUCKS?! I _AM _GOD!" Note to self: Christmas present for Hidan... a micro-chip that electrifies him every time he curses.

_Zuzuzu... _"You're not God Hidan, you're a prophet. There's a differance."

"..."

"ZETSU!"

There was a loud bang and a scuffle as Zetsu barely managed to escape Hidan's wrath. A small leaf fell to the ground.

Silence.

"Ohhh.... no you did-n't!"

Zetsu gave a startled cry looking at the fallen leaf ont he ground and then turned his eyes on Hidan who had, knowing things would turn bad, spun and flew out the doorway running as quickly as his feet could carry him. Zetsu turned into some mutated, monster like form of PAC-MAN and ran after the white haired ninja leaving out angry growls as he went.

Itachi... fell over... hmmm...

Again Deidara and Sasori were both suffering from listening to the might of the almighty, if there ever was a being as mighty, Pein who had begun a tragic rant of how he was a kid and of all the injustice that had befallen him and the pain and the blood and the countless lives lost and how he had killed his friends with a toaster.... mind you the toast never tasted the same.

And Tobi, who had tried so hard to get everyone in the Christmas spirit, sat with Konan up in the closet both hiding from their partners.

Konan was hiding from Pein's annoying preaching and reading a broucher on Tiles in the closet when Tobi stumbled in and now the two were debating over the colour of tiles that could be used for the new bathroom....

"Hey Konan... I havn't seen Kisame since dinner..." The orange masked boy flicked the page quickly becoming interested in glow-in-the-dark tiles.

"That's strange i haven't seen him either..." _He insulted my cooking, damn blue fish man. _

Silence...

"I hope Itachi-san hasn't burned him into fishsticks or anything..."

"....OH!" Konan lept up and burst through the door down towards the kitchen. "THE OVEN! MY FISH STEW WILL BE RUINED!"

Tobi clambered out alone into the hallway standing there Deidara's present still in his hands the bow a little torn. He didn't move but only look down at the red box as his new pet the Easter Bunny hopped up to stand beside him. He looked after Konan down the hallway to see smoke pooring out from the kitchen...

"Ki...same...?"

Maybe, from now on they should order take out for special occasions. Christmas dinner didn't seem to go down well in Aaktsuki. Chinese for New Years... yeah, that might work...

Not.

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**God this chapter sucked. xD Sorry for it's shortness and it's stupidness but lately I've had no time what so ever to update anything! It's awful! I wanted to do something about Christmas and could only end up with this... which is only slightly Christmas themed. Dx I'm sorry bout it, but at least I got to write something. And I'm going through a lot in exam year and boy trouble and other shit so I can never come back to my writing or anything. Really depressing.**

**Reviews to help my misery and anguish. :dead: X_X**

**Read this: ****.net/s/4076575/1/Under_the_Same_Roof**

**Really funny story with me and my cousin in it written by my cousin. xD**


	3. Chapter Three Preview

**Chapter Three Preview**

_Consists of randomness and won't make senseness._

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If there was ever a day Kakuzu was scared or even slightly unnerved about something, it had to be Christmas or New Years. His money was at high vulnerability and Hidan had got it into his damn head he's found his one and only true love… and he needed money, to buy jewelry for her. Itachi had said all women love jewelry… only you have to be careful what you buy them. It's like the number one rule in the World of Men. However…

Something had to be done.

Clad in a World War II Nazi hat and a fake air riffle Kakuzu sets out on a mission to protect his stash of endless money… by building a bunker in his room and enlisting in… the Internet. Ebay.

Note: Monopoly and Kakuzu don't get along.

Note: Monopoly is EVILER than Kakuzu.

We tried burning the box in the fire… it came back. I strongly think we should burn the box again but Itachi won't see to reason… and he's the only damn mortal who can burn the thing until it DIES. I tried sacrificing the little mofo but it just sprang back to life, grew fangs and chased ZETSU of all peop-things! For fucks sake! Whoever thought New Years Day was supposed to be fun can go and screw themselves 'cause when if I ever, EVER catch them they'll never wish they were fucking born!

-From Hidan's low conscience.

We're sorry to inform you that Hidan's high conscience is strictly 'R' rated.

I want you all to know… to IMPRINT in your mind…

That Kisame isn't dead… yet…

Sasori is now a wizard so he came back to life. YAYZ. 8D

Don't give Chinese food to anyone from the Akatsuki Organization.

And OF COURSE,

NO DRINKING.

That's the Irish's job.

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**End. **


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